


Look Into My Eyes [It’s Where My Demons Hide]

by Alpha Ella (Leviarty)



Series: Demons [2]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-22
Updated: 2014-02-22
Packaged: 2018-01-13 08:29:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1219501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leviarty/pseuds/Alpha%20Ella
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Nogitsune isn’t dead. It’s just beneath the surface, resting until it can find a chance to break free.</p>
<p>(It is not necessary to have read <i>With the Beast Inside [There’s Nowhere We Can Hide]</i>. It should make perfect sense as long as you have seen up to 3x18 Riddled, and make the assumption that this takes place after the Nogitsune is defeated)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Look Into My Eyes [It’s Where My Demons Hide]

**Author's Note:**

> I totally thought I was done with the Demons series, then this started floating around in my head.

_Pain keeps you human_. He's heard Scott say it a few times. It's not a mantra he lives by or anything, but it works in a pinch, when the anchor isn't enough.

It doesn’t work for Stiles. The Nogitsune feeds on pain. He can't cause himself pain when he feels the dark spirit bubbling to the surface. He has to trust that his anchor will be enough to keep him - well, to keep him from going on a killing spree.

The problem is, he doesn't have that faith in his anchor. He hasn't truly identified his anchor like the others have.

For Scott, it used to be Allison. It's not anymore, or rather, it's not _just_ Allison. It's all of them: Allison and Stiles and Lydia and Isaac and his mom. His friends and family keep him sane.

Isaac is young, still clings to his love for a girl like Scott once had. But so long as it works, so long as he is in control, it's enough.

'Anchoring yourself to a human isn't safe,' Derek had told him once. 'Human emotion is impermanent.' Stiles knew that, knew what had happened when Scott realized he and Allison had fallen to far apart to anchor himself to her. 'Its a lot of faith to put all of your humanity in the heart of a single human.' That's why Derek clung to his anger.

Stiles doesn't know what the Twins' anchors are. Danny and Lydia, perhaps, but he's inclined to think it's something else, something that's kept them grounded much longer.

Kira is still learning to control herself, but she has the benefit of a mother who can teach her. Stiles doesn't have that. And if Kira loses control, it's usually just a surge of power, followed by a blackout. If Stiles loses control, it's a hell of a lot worse.

*

Derek comes home to find Stiles lying on his couch, reading from one of his mythology books.

"How did you get in here?" Derek asks.

"You should remember to lock your door."

Derek sighs and sets his grocery bags on the counter. Stiles tries to picture Derek walking through the grocery store; it's a visual absurd enough to make him laugh.

Derek sits down on the couch next to him. He doesn't say anything, but instead stares at Stiles expectantly. Stiles, for perhaps the first time in his life, is silent. Derek can see that his mind is traveling a mile a minute, but he doesn't push him to talk. Stiles shifts until his head was resting in Derek's lap. He starts absently fiddling with a frayed bit of fabric on Derek's jeans, but still says nothing.

"What's your anchor?" he finally asks. He barely waits for Derek to process the question before he starts talking again. "'Cause I know you said it was anger, but it seems like... we'll, you're not angry like you used to be. Particuarly since you talked to... your mom. You've been different. Like you're not drowing in self pity and hatred anymore. So... I guess I'm just wondering if anger is still your anchor, or if it's changed." Stiles had considered that maybe Derek anchored himself to his family, much like Scott did, but Cora is too far away, and Peter is an evil bastard (even if he is sometimes helpful).

"Why are you so preoccupied by anchors?" Derek asks, rather than answering the question.

Stiles shrugs. "I think I'm still trying to figure it out. How to keep myself from falling off the deep end, I mean. For you all it's just... it's just once a month. You feel the pull of the full moon, and during times of heightened emotion or whatever. But it's all the time for me. And I can keep it in control, but I guess I'm just trying to find an anchor that's not-" He stops talking and bites his lip, as though he's afraid to say the next part, or maybe ashamed of it.

"An anchor that's not what?" Derek asks.

Stiles sighs. "Not you. And don't make fun of me, or say that it's weak, because I already know that and I don't need to hear it from you. I know that a human anchor is dangerous, but right now you're the only thing that keeps me sane. And my dad too, but that's different. Obviously."

A moment passes, in which Derek stares at him in shock, having no idea what to say. But Stiles doesn't give him much chance to respond. He bolts upright, looking like he's going to run at any moment.

He doesn't run though, not far anyway. He leaves the couch, but not the loft.

"I shouldn't have said anything, I'm sorry," he says, shaking his head as he stares out the window.

"Hey," Derek says, walking up behind him slowly. He takes one of Stiles' hands and uses it to turn him around. Stiles avoids looking into his eyes, but Derek pulls him into a tight hug.

Stiles wasn't expecting this. Tenderness, from Derek, is a surprise. But then, everything about their relationship is a constant source of surprise, if you could call what whatever this was a relationship. Making out a couple times followed by several days of radio silence. Hardly grounds for a healthy relationship.

But this is new, and Stiles finds that he kind of likes the way Derek's body feels wrapped around his own. They're almost the same height and, despite being a thousand times stronger and more muscular, his shoulders aren't really much broader that Stiles'. They fit together kind of nicely, and if that isn't a dangerous thought, he doesn't know what is.

He feels like there are so many things he should be saying, but he doesn't even know where to begin, so he settles for hooking his chin over Derek's shoulder and clinging to the warmth and comfort provided.

"I'm afraid," Stiles says, surprising even himself. "I'm afraid I'm going to lose control and no one is going to notice until people start dying."

"We'll notice, Stiles."

"Really? 'Cause it was able to trick you all on more than one occasion."

" _I'll know_ ," he says, almost growling.

Stiles sighs. He hopes its true. He wants it to be true.

"Come on, let's get you home and in bed before your dad starts to worry."

"Yeah, you're probably right."

*

"You could stay, you know," Stiles says when Derek brings him home. Derek's eyes widen with some emotion that Stiles can't quite place. "Don't give me that look, I'm not asking for your hand in marriage, hell, I'm not even asking for sex. I'm just asking to not sleep alone."

"Stiles, I don't think it's a good idea."

"Don't think it's a good idea to spend the night, or continue on this weird path to a relationship?"

"Both."

Stiles lets out a sound of pure exasperation. "I know you care. You feel _something_. So can you please stop doing this thing where you're really nice one minute, and you're pushing me away the next? Katy Perry wrote a song about this. I didn't like it then, and I certainly don't like it now."

"You're just a kid, Stiles."

"I'm seventeen, and I'm willing to bet that I've had a hell of a lot more life experience than most people in their forties. Stop belittling me because I'm young."

"It's not that."

"Then what?! What is it you're so afraid of?" Stiles doesn't realize it until he says it, but the moment he does, it all makes sense. Derek _is_ afraid. "Is it because of _her_? 'Cause, dude, I have no ulterior motives that involve burning down your house and family. The nogitsune might, but let's be real here, would it be the end of the world if it killed Peter?" He realizes that now he's being just plain insensitive, but he can't seem to put a lid on his thoughts.

"I'm afraid of what will happen when you realize I'm not good. You're young. You'll meet someone your own age and you're realize that you don't need me, and I don't think I can handle it."

_Oh_.

"I'm a mess, an emotional train wreck. You've said it yourself more than once. My track record is less than stellar, and I really don't want to screw things up with you."

"So you're of the school of thought that 'if I never take the chance, it'll never have the chance to fall apart'?" Derek doesn't answer. "Well fuck that. I like you way too much to let you ruin things before it's even started."

Stiles catches a hint of a smile on his face before grabbing Derek's hand and pulling him toward the bed. Derek obligingly slides in next to him, and throws an arm around his middle.

It isn't like this the last time they were in bed together. Before they had kept their distance, both scared to make any kind of physical contact. But this time Derek pulls him close and buries his nose in Stiles neck.

"It's you," Derek said after a few minutes.

"Hmm?"

"You asked what my anchor was. It's you."

 


End file.
